U2 SMUT

MONA: I think Bono was blowing Edge...and Edge was watching TV...and I remember him looking back to watch the ants. WHAT ANTS ARE ON TV?
ECHO: you know, on "Nova" they have stuff like that
ECHO: oh and also Adam Ant used to be on MTV

"EDGE! BONO'S GOT YOU ALL LIQUORED UP JUST SO'S HE CAN HAVE HIS WAY WITH YOU!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" ~Mona

"This U2 orgy is insane. I can hardly stand to read it all over again." ~Echo

ADVICE: Don't try to extract any "usefulness" out of a viewing of Rattle & Hum. It's not that theres anything wrong w/ the lads in that one, its just the sequence of the segments is poorly timed. It's like, "Yeah...mmm...SweatyBono...mmm.....Edge humping his guitar....o yes....OH NO. B.B. King! GAAHH MY EYES!!! ~Echo

MONA: *sudden urge to defrag Bono*

MONA: [picture of Bono ripping off his shirt]
ECHO: So you finally convinced him that clothes are capitalist imperialist tools
MONA: Bono! I've made a pile of clothes! We're burning them with magic flames! PILE ON YER CLOTHES!!
BONO: *gyrates around fire*

[pic of a boat from a U2 video]
BONO: Edge m'boy. I need to dock this somewhere.
BONO: Allow me to sink my battleship?
BONO: time to bring on the big guns, Edge m'boy.
ECHO: theres a joke about heaving waves in here somewhere
BONO: EDGE m'boy. I know we came home from the beach hours ago. But GUESS WHERE I JUST FOUND SAND!
EDGE: Do you think it's worth it to take bodysurfing lessons?
BONO: ...I could teach you. Dont be afraid to get something salty in your mouth...
BONO: Edge! You'll never guess what I just saw! There was this big barge going into a dock. And all these seamen around!

ECHO: so basically the point i was trying to make is, lets have ourselves a U2 orgy
MONA: RIGHT!
ECHO: but then thats the point I'm ALWAYS trying to make
MONA: Indeed. I'll write that on the bathroom stall wall or something.

"I'm assuming that oral with a guy like Bono would feel a lot better than oral with yer average mortal man." ~Echo

ECHO: em...what do you think of the sounds?
MONA: I...................there was one that was mildly spicy
ECHO: well yeah but i thought youd like the acapella Mysterious Ways. Not every noise Bono makes has to be an orgasm noise, you know
MONA: well why not.
ECHO: i give and give and give and all you have to say is "why are there not more bonogasms?"
MONA: well what do you want me to do, write an essay? no seriously, because I will...
ECHO: wait, no...do an interpretive dance.
MONA: oooo wait let me get my huge ceramic egg shell and butterfly wings
BONO: And the peanut butter. Dont forget the peanut butter.
MONA: no that's not interpretive at all.....that's quite explicit, Bono.

BONO: Mona. can you PLEASE turn down the music. I'm TRYING to sleep.
MONA: You don't like it? But you made it.....
BONO: Someone piecing together bits of my suggestive noises does NOT constitute as a song that I MADE.
MONA: Well.....
ECHO: oh oh oh wait wait I've got a better idea:
EDGE: Mona can you PLEASE turn down the BonoNoises CD?
MONA: Em, thats not the BonoNoises CD....thats Bono....close the door, Edge!!!!!

"Esperanto + Bono + hamburger + a big fish tank + Erotobots = DOOD. Not even." ~Mona

"You WISH you were stuck in Bono's Nether Lands" ~Echo

MONA: HAPPY EDGE'S BIRTHDAY
ECHO: so...*looks around* whens he gonna jump out of the birthday cake naked?

EDGE'S GUITAR: *reflects lights* *shimmer*
ECHO: Hey look, Edge is flashing the crowd.

WATCHING THE "BAD" VIDEO

ECHO: Hey check it out, Sweaty Bono's on the TV.
SCOTTPHISTO: You're gonna have sweaty WHAT with me?
ECHO: Man, Caylean got REAL quiet all of a sudden. Do you like Sweaty Bono, Caylean?
CAYLEAN: *grinning like an idiot* ....No....

"Oh my god, LOOK at that arse! Damn, you just wanna reach out and GRAB it! It's like a piece of ripe fruit or something!...." ~About one-tenth of Echo's rambling about PopMart Edge

"Okay, I'm gonna go jump off a building now. Everything I say, you're like 'Oh when you say that it really turns me on, TO THINK ABOUT BONO SAYING IT!'" ~ScottPhisto

"You know, I was watching Echo's eyes when she was watching this....and she wasn't looking at Bono's FACE...." ~ ScottPhisto

MONA: when I lose my virginity to Bono, I want "Beast of Burden" to be playing.
ECHO: beast of burden? come on
MONA: o_O WELL FINE YOU pick a song fer me to lose my virginity to Bono to.
ECHO: I thought you were losing your virginity to Bruce Springsteen
MONA: O YEAH. You only get one of those, right?
ECHO: I made a tape once, of songs....when I thought I was gonna lose mine...but then I found out the guy hated U2 and Sting and that was like half the tape *sigh* no music....no sex...that was a fucked up year for me. You know I don't know if I'd WANT to have music playing cause 1) itd be distracting...id be like, singing along and 2) what if the tape started to unravel in the machine and it sounded like the chipmunks?
MONA: that's why you get a CD. geez we're not in a Pontiac Safari or anything
ECHO: how do YOU know
MONA: I DO NOT PLAN TO EXPERIENCE BONOGASM IN A PONTIAC SAFARI
ECHO: it never happens the way you plan it
MONA: YES it will
ECHO: in fact, you SHOULD plan to have it in a Pontiac...that way it wont happen
MONA: *BONGASM* HEY THAT WASN'T GOOD ENOUGH. *slug*
ECHO: come on now...lets not be mean...i am SURE Bono would never be...not good enough. unless he was REALLY REALLY drunk, keep that in mind, when you, em, meet him in his hotel room. or the hot tub. or wherever. in Wal-Mart
MONA: o were YOU buying firearms and flowerpots here TOO?
MONA: what would be best to acheive Bonogasm?
ECHO: well I get the impression that Bono likes a challenge...what you should do is tell him that many men have tried to satisfy you in the past but to no avail...in FACT, you are afraid you might be *sniff* *tear* FRIGID....youve been waiting for the day when a man could come along to prove you wrong
MONA: but I don't want him to think I be sleepin around BC I HAVEN'T
ECHO: well no no no there's OTHER THINGS you know...or do you want to be a VIRGIN virgin?
MONA: I need a catalog...
ECHO: well okay let me come up with something else. see I wouldn't know anything about men who are able to satisfy their woman...that reason I gave you before...that was MY come-on for when I lose my virginity to Bono
MONA: I don't get it...unless I do...in which case....
ECHO: lets start over: tell him that many men have tried to satisfy you in the past but to no avail .... you are afraid you might even be *sniff* *tear* FRIGID ....you've been waiting for the day when a man could come along to prove you wrong....and Bono will say
BONO: well darlin'....it's hard to be a saint in the cit---
ECHO: hold on I gotta turn this record off it's distracting me *ahem* okay
BONO: Well darlin', as you know I am a philanthropist and I do whatever I can to make this world a little better....for each and every man and... *kisses your hand* ...Woman
MONA: O_O OOOOOOMGGGG I WOULD DDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIE I'M SUCH A SUCKERRRR ...I WOULD DIE ON TOP OF HIM
ECHO: dying on top of him? good lord
MONA: well I'm certainly not going to die UNDER him...in a Pontiac
BONO: JUST A HAND JOB IN THE SAFARI. PLEASE
MONA: WHY the HECK is he SO attached to the Safari
EDGE: Em...no I wouldn't know why he's so attached to the Safari...
EDGE: No memories attached to that at all....no sireee. WHAT
MONA: o_O EDGE WHAT HAVE YOU BEEN DOING TO HIM IN THERE?
EDGE: why are you looking at me like that?
MONA: YOU TAINTED THE BONO IN A WOOD PANELLED STATION WAGON
BONO: hee hee
MONA: I'll panel you...
ECHO: come on, though. if anyone was going to taint Bono in a wood-paneled station wagon, wouldn't you want it to be Edge?
MONA: NO.
ECHO where OUGHT it to take place, if not in a station wagon?
MONA: somewhere with more leg room

"Hmmmm....Bono...in the shower...it really makes you think. With your hands." ~Echo

BONO: Edge said he'd help me learn Latin, but all he taught me was "cum."

MONA: O jesus I just woke up Bono by accident...
ECHO: you just "accidentally" removed his trousers, didn't you?
MONA: O_O I'M SURE I DON'T KNOW wow what day is it...

MONA: man Bono was takin' it GOOD though. That Edge is a machiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiine
ECHO: man I love that whole concept....behind closed doors.....one would never suspect.....
BONO: Again?! That's the third time tonight...
EDGE: *looks at clock* Well technically its only the second time today...
BONO: *groan*
MONA: midnight is where the day begins
BONO: HOW is it gonna look to at the World Economic Forum tomorrow when I'm walking funny?
EDGE: *shrug* not my problem
MONA: o you'll take it and you'll love it, Bono. EDGE? tie him down.

"Hmm..if I were dominating Bono, what would I do...see, when I first envisioned all this, I was done before they were. Then it was time to sleep." ~Mona

FROM A FANFIC:
"Edge?"
"Yeah?"
"I think it's time."
"Time for what?"
"For you to fuck me."

ECHO: LMAO what a charmer he is. how seductive....how sensual
BONO: *looks at wrist* EDGEGUESSWHATTIME!!
EDGE: Yer not wearing a watch....
BONO: yes, but the BonoHands tell me what time it is.....
EDGE: Thats not yer hand
EDGE: Thats not even yours!
ECHO: Hee hee! *runs*

FROM THE SAME FANFIC:
"That was amazing. You're amazing. Thank you, Edge."
"No, I'm not. You are. I love you," I said curling up against Bono, laying my head on his neck.
"I love you, too. And you are."
MONA: that's so cheesy :P
BONO: love you more
EDGE: love you more
BONO: love you MOST
EDGE: love you infinity
BONO: love you infinity plus one
EDGE AND BONO ON THE PHONE: You hang up first....no YOU hang up first... no YOU......
ECHO: *walks in* WHO'S hung?
MONA: *CLICK* BONO.

"The annoying thing about having sex with Bono is, he calls out his own name when he comes." ~ Echo

MONA: I WANT BONO TO TAKE ME SLOW DANCING. But not in an 8th grade kind of way
ECHO: you want him to take you slow dancing in a HORIZONTAL kind of way

MONA: I don't know....maybe we should interview him
ECHO: yes why dont you
MONA: o_O ME? YOU'RE the writer
ECHO: but youre the one thats got Bono in the room with ye, there
MONA: O YEAH. Well um HEY BONO ...*nudge*...o....guess I'll have to lick him awake
BONO: I'M UP I'M UP
MONA: fook
EDGE: It was my turn anyway

"An activity that Sting can do for eight hours at a time, and that Bono likes to do but does very sloppily......driving." ~Echo

BONO: LET'S MAKE BABIES!
EDGE: Em...I think you want to talk to ALI over there about that
BONO: *takes off shades* *squint* OH

FISHY: you should see me when I have to take the crab pots out
EDGE: crabs?
BONO: HE DIDN'T GET 'IM FROM ME
MONA: O_O YOU CATCH CRABS?
BONO: NOBODY'S CATCHING CRABS

MONA: hey is Edge there now?
EDGE: Ngghhh......oh...
ECHO: He's almost there, yeah.

MONA: Bono, I think Edge has lost all feeling. Maybe you should remind him of.....something.
BONO: *grunt* can do
LARRY: I'm feelin numb....*gets in line*
BONO: Hey, one at a time. Whaddaya think this is, some group slut fic?
BONO: Wait. IS it a group slut fic?

EDGE: hey, I was gonna vacuum Echo's place...in the nude.
ECHO: *sprinkles cracker-crumbs on carpet*
BONO: *pulls up a chair* ....hose attachments.....
ECHO: seriously d00d that would be more funny than erotic
EDGE: Okay I'm done vacuuming, lets get it on
ECHO: BWAHAHAHAHAA

MATT LAUER: According to our Diva sources, Mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids
MONA: In fact ~ it's cold as hell. Why do people say that? Hell isn't cold. I don't think.
BONO: I'm a rocket man.
EDGE: Prepare.....for....lift off...... *rumbling noises*
BONO: OK stop now.
ECHO: T minus 69....
EDGE: I'm being pulled into Bono's..."gravitational field"
BONO: Edge's black hole is going to swallow me whole.......
ECHO: This is ground control to Major Edge...Planet earth is blue and theres nothing i can do...
BONO: increase.......SPEED!
EDGE: The em....the thrusters...
BONO: Warp speed! *moan*
EDGE: *puts on Spock ears*
BONO: ooo
EDGE: We're nearing Uranus....
ECHO: That joke was both long overdue and completely unnecessary
BONO: *writhe*
MONA: I wish I knew more dirty space jokes

If you look at "BONOEDGE" real quick, it looks like "BONDAGE" - Mona

BONO: *zzzzz* Edge....Edge, my little veal chop....*zzz*... c'mere......Edge..*zzzzz*
ALI: *nudge* Bono?
BONO: WHAT? I'M AWAKE LET'S HAVE ANOTHER KID

MONA: I wonder if they've ever had a 3some...
ECHO: OMB a threesome
ECHO: ive never thought of that...i mean....not with ALI involved
MONA: Bono + Edge + Ali
MONA: - Ali
MONA: + Mona
MONA: = O yeah yeah yeah
MONA: This is why I'm so good in caculus

"Geez, whats the big deal about that pic? Its just Bono in a ....Hey where'd the towel go?" - Echo

BONO: So I was on the edge last night....
ADAM: Panic attacks? Stress?
BONO: No...I was.....on the Edge...
MONA: *predictability* I need new material.
ECHO: yeah I think were stagnating

"The file says "Scott's MPS Quotes" but he didn't want to use them cause they're mostly about Bono and Edge getting their freak on." - Echo

MONA: Checking my mom's mail--which only gets junk--
ECHO oh good lord what did you find this time
MONA: there's one called--"Rape Express"
ECHO: O_O
MONA: Thank you, drive through
BONO: But...I'm not allowed to drive
MONA: I SAID. DRIVE THROUGH.

ECHO: look the last thing i want to hear about is you being a lesbian. Who would I write scripts with?
MONA: TRUE.....I really should take into account how my sexual orientation affects the world.....before I make any drastic decisions.
ECHO: Bono would be like coming onto you and you'd be all "Who's the hot chick with you? Is she leaving with you?"

"Is it true that the Edge has another nickname within the band besides 'Reg' and that it is absolutely unrepeatable in a magazine published within the United States?" ~Echo

DEAR BONO: This is in response to your question, assuming that your question is, "WHEN will Mona mount me and ride me like a horse to Fooksburgh?" I think it's great that you're saving the world and all. But let me give you a suggestion. Most superheroes wear tights. Or are ambiguously gay. Now you have ONE of those down. However, over the years, your pants have been growing gradually looser. I
suggest you look into that. Or I could. Whichever. My esteemed colleague and I are currently seeking information concerning your position on missionary issues. Any information that you can provide (preferably wav files of you moaning "TAKE IT, LAWRENCE, TAKE IT LIKE A BITCH"....well this could take place in Africa or something) would be muchly helpful in our efforts. Sincerely, Mona.

BONO: "I mean, take a look at these hands -- these are the hands of a bricklayer."
MONA: <--- brick.

INTERVIEW: Sporting his customary black leather vest and black jeans, his shoulder-length brown hair drawn back in a ponytail, Bono is badly in need of a shave -- and some sleep.
MONA: From the sound of it, I'd say he's in desperate need of a trip to Fooksburgh

MONA: I NEED A PEANUT BUTTER NANNER SAMMICH STAT *strange craving alert*
*twitch* Ooooooo horoscopes. Bono, what's yer sign?
BONO: em.......SLIPPERY WHEN WET
BONO: I mean.....GROOVED PAVEMENT
HOROSCOPE: Your gregarious nature is showing, Virgo!
MONA: O_O HOW DARE YOU. I'm in JUST the mood to come over there and smack you silly, emode. Just as soon as I find out what gregarious means.
ECHO: it means friendly
MONA: OH. well then. Man I really want that sammich. Do you know where the bread is in my house?
ECHO: breadbox?
MONA: We don't HAVE a breadbox. I think I'm going to cry. If I ask my mother she will surely find it and beat me with the bread. Maybe I'll just fellate this banananananananananananananananana and let Bono roll in the PB
ECHO: great, now I want a pb sandwich too

ECHO: okay look. I have with me:
1. sixteen feet of velvet rope that I stole from the bank
2. One jar of Skippy reduced-fat extra-crunchy peanut butter
3. One Edge
4. But no bedposts
ECHO: have you go some over there?
MONA: don't you think the extra crunchy PB might get a little dangerous?
BONO: *sticks finger in jar*
ECHO: Edge, Boner needs something to wash that peanut butter down with. you have any ideas?
EDGE: Well, theres milk in the fr--
ECHO: *sigh* who told you to talk

"Ooo Bono fondling Edge.........'s guitar." -Echo

ECHO: i swear that this song "Summer Rain" is about cunnilingus
MONA: O_O REALLy. Hmm lemme see. There's the part about the tongue
ECHO: "holding my breath now, diving for pearls"...theres another line but I've forgotten it already
MONA: I hope it's not the line that "I lost myself"
BONO: WHAT? WHERE AM I?

"Do you think MacPhisto would go down? I don't think he would." - ScottPhisto

MONA: OMD what aboot the soomer?!
ECHO: well this is Washington. our summer lasts for three days in august
MONA: o MAN. in summer I run around practically nekkid
ECHO: !
MONA: Betcha can't catch me, Bono! *stops to tie her shoe*
BONO: *dash*
EDGE: *feels pressured (so to speak) to fellate the garden hose*
ECHO: Ive heard its not so good to drink right from the hose....
BONO: do it
EDGE: Well.....*bottom lip quivering*....
MONA: *quiets Bono*
ECHO: *sneaks over to faucet*
EDGE: Well alright....but just one drink...
MONA: ...wet....
EDGE: *leans over hose*
ECHO: *turns water WAY up*
EDGE: ACK! *gets sprayed in face*
ECHO: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!!!!!!!
MONA: *first annual Edge wet T shirt contest*
EDGE: Oh man....now my brand new beard is all wet
ECHO: I'LL dry it for you!
EDGE: Hey! People dont dry things with their tongue my dear...
ECHO: Maybe YOU dont....you know I remember Edge joking once, about the first time they played this one gig they were the opening act for a wet T-shirt contest. NOW WE KNOW THE TRUTH
LARRY: we warn't fookin EEN eet....
ECHO: too bad....the prize that night was a fifty bucks and an Elvis CD
LARRY: *jumps in puddle*
MONA: I'd much rather see Bono hosing people down, but.....well beggars cant be choosers

ECHO: today I had to go to the IRS office...and they had a "take a number" thing. guess what mine was
TICKET: "YOUR NUMBER IS: 69"
ECHO: I wanted to keep the slip but they took it. And when my number was called and I got to the window, Edge was nowhere to be found. *sigh*
ECHO: I'm here for my *behind the counter service*

ECHO: HOLD ON I AM TRYING TO DO EIGHT THINGS AT ONCE HERE!
SCOTTPHISTO: Okay, quit masturbating to Edge pics...that'll take care of two things.
ECHO: ....lucky guess

PAINFUL BREAD: PLEBA girls should have an annual jamboree...
MONA: jamboree?
CLARITY: First Annual PLEBA Porn Get Together
MONA: THE HOSEDOWN!
ECHO: the acronym would be FAPLEBAPGT
MONA: I'd like to FAPLE Bono's BAPGT
CLARITY: *gets out decoder ring*

GHETTO POP TART: I was always hoping Edge would wear the number 69
ECHO: wear it? I wish he'd DO it

BONO: Edge, say you want the ball.
EDGE: I dont' want yer ball, Bono.
BONO: Say it.
EDGE: I hate you.
BONO: I just caallled...to saayyy... I loove yooouu....
EDGE: No more Edge lovin' for you.
BONO: COACH! Make Mona stop aiming at my....personal area.
EDGE: Now if I throw the ball from an angle of-- *OOF*
ECHO: YES! I hit Edge! If he's out cold I can-- *run*
MONA: You can't cross the line. Now you're out.
ECHO: I don't care. I have Edge.
MONA: Dood.....
BONO: Why am I wearing these little gym shorts?

ECHO: They had this documentary about U2 on MTV2 the other day that id never seen before...and they showed the fans outside the show with their various home-made posters...and this one guy had a sign that said "FOR BONO I WOULD BE GAY"...and I thought....I didn't know Scott made it to a U2 show...
SCOTTPHISTO: O_O
SCOTTPHISTO: >_<
SCOTTPHISTO: _ Well....

"Am I talking about having sex with BONO?!?!?!?" ~ ScottPhisto

"The thing about this story is, the chick who wrote it cops out at the end AS USUAL. This is the same chick who wrote Sleight of Hand and Triduum. She goes into gorgeous detail at the beginning...and then when it starts to get really good she's like '...and then they totally did it. THE END.'" ~Echo

"Sweet dreams about Bono at a buffet restaurant in Vegas sitting naked on a plate of spaghetti screaming 'More sauce more sauce!!'" ~Echo

MONA: Well sometimes on the road....desperation... *reads* "Edge kneeled beside the tub and took the sponge, lightly stroking it down Bono's wide, capable back." But then it ends....I WANT TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS.

MONA: Ew Larry/Adam...I'll have to edit this
ECHO: SOMEONE'S gotta do Adam
MONA: But WHY Larry? He needs to save himself fer Bono!
ECHO: Well Bono's busy with Edge! Everything is so complicated....
MONA: Boner, GET OFF EDGE for one flippin' minute of yer life and go tend to Larry. I swear, Bono and Edge are like Velcro
ECHO: You mean they're prickly and covered with fuzzies?
MONA: I meant more like they're interlocking...

READING ONLINE ZODIAC LOVE MATCH RESULTS:
RESULTS: "Echo knows how to please Edge."
ECHO: tell it on the mountain!
RESULTS: "Edge feels warm-hearted, affectionate, and erotically inclined toward Echo."
RESULTS: "Some of the most powerful energy exchanged between Edge and Echo is Sun-Jupiter energy."
ECHO: Yeah yeah yeah where's the PORN?!
RESULTS: "Edge will have to deal with Echo's zeal, power issues and control complexes. Echo can be obsessive and extreme in the drive for power over Edge. In this relationship, physical as well as psychological desires are strong."
ECHO: o my
RESULTS: "At times, Edge may feel like Echo has not one, but at least two different personalities."
ECHO: oh come on now that is such an exagge----SHUT UP, YOU! ack the voices
MONA: I have to read all of mine and Bono's
RESULTS: "Bono likes to touch nice things, own nice things, wear nice things, eat nice things and have nice things."
MONA: <----nice thing
RESULTS: "Bono needs some good food, antique furniture and passion."
MONA: *rapes Bono inside a meat-filled armoire*
RESULTS: "Marriage is challenging, to say the least. Mona could feel that Bono is an eccentric. In fact, Mona could also be quite a character."
MONA: Recockulous.
RESULTS: "The two of you have similar tastes"
MONA: I TASTE LIKE BONO!

"If we open a window, maybe a breeze will come in, and Bono will get elevated." ~Mona

"You should have named the file Bono so I could unzip Bono." ~ Mona

MONA: What vid is this for?
ECHO: Its the "Making of Elevation" documentary...Not to be confused with Mona's "How To Make Bono Elevated" instructional video
MONA: ....I thought I destroyed all but the master copy...
ECHO: That was just the VHS version. I have the Master Beta. *cough*
MONA: We used to have Beta. OH I GET IT NOW

MONA in Page to Screen class: I'M THE ARTHUR MILLER OF THE 21ST CENTURY!!!!!!
KATIE: No, you're not! The only good part is when Larry asks who wants his meat, and then when Edge wants to rape Bono.
MONA: Where was that?
KATIE: IT WAS ALL OVER THE PLACE!

KATIE: What're you doing?
MONA: Nothin....
KATIE: Are you on that U2 thing again?
MONA: What? Am I on Bono? WHAT?
KATIE: FOAD. Are you looking up more porn?
MONA: Porn?
MONA: BWWAAHAHAHAHAAA
KATIE: O no you ARE looking at porn.
MONA: No it's better today, though. You can also READ porn, y'know. Echo showed this site to me.
KATIE: Bono Porn? EW. He is OLD and GAY. Send me Sting pictures NOW. Where's
Larry? Adam WHO? Give me Sting pictures.
MONA: I'm sending you a U2 porn story.
KATIE: This better involve Sting. *after she read it..... * Do Edge and Bono really sit around backstage blowing each other?
MONA: I don't know!
KATIE: You SHOULD. You stalk them. Porn porn porn.
MONA: FOAD. Now I won't send you Sting pictures.
KATIE: Sorry sorry sorry!!

MONA: My friend Justine eats string cheese like a FOOKIN bananananananananana. She just BITES it. I'm like DOOD YOU HAVE TO PEEL IT.
ECHO: I'm sure the cheese is just happy to be tended to
MONA: But it's.....ravaged......
ECHO: Well some cheese likes it rough
MONA: not THIS cheese. I wonder how Bono's cheese likes it.
ECHO: yeah I've wondered that meself...I mean, he seems like a sensitive enough guy....but his cheese might be like an alter ego
MONA: OOOH ...on STAGE and all? Performing for millions......
ECHO: oh, indubitably
MONA: ROFL I LOVETH THAT WORD
ECHO: That word is a lot funnier when daffy duck says it. Oh i just thought of something: BEHOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE
MONA:!!!!!!! *runs up to poster* *crosses out "BE"
MONA: HOLD THE POWER OF CHEESE
ECHO: NOW IM STARVIN. brb. Hold please....ifyouknowwhatImean
MONA: heh
ECHO: back. Houston, we have ravioli
MONA: I always get rigatoni and ravioli mixed up. Is ravioli the pillow ones or the tubey ones?
ECHO: Pillow. But if they've got cheese on em the difference is negligible
MONA: cheese on the pillows.......
EDGE: I like cheese
ECHO: WE KNOW
BONO: I like cheese too. BONO: Edge....will you come here a minute? I need you to taste this CHEESE, you see. Tell me if its gone bad... *under breath* im a bad baaad boy very very very baad
ECHO: You know what happens to bad boys, dont ye?
BONO: What?
ECHO: They get spanked
BONO: oooo
EDGE: Em...
ECHO: brb these pillows need to be warmed up
BONO: Edge, you and I can handle that, right?
EDGE: What am I handling? I'm sorry....I had cheese in my ears.
MONA: O_O How does THAT work out?
BONO: What can I say, ive got no depth perception
ECHO: Em...Edge? Hello? i said my pillows need to be warmed up?
EDGE: Well the microwaves over there
ECHO: Some people just don't get it. Bono, would you please explain the birds and the bees to Edgie? Or the birds and the...other birds, perhaps
MONA: ROFL Which team are we?
ECHO: Yeah which ones supposed to be guys?
EDGE: I seem to have a stinger...
STING: *appears*
BONO: HEY! That's MY stinger
STING: Now now....there's enough of my stinger to go around......
MONA: AROUND.......
ECHO: You know for a bunch of guys a pretty as they are, this COULD get ugly
MONA: Let me get the mop......
BONO: Get some kleenex too
EDGE: And a cheesecloth

Every single one of those pictures, Bono's mouth is wide open and Edge has this expression like "Yeah, take it, bitch." ~Echo

MONA: I'm looking for a word that I can't think of
ECHO: fellatio?
MONA: LOL NO. It's like you know how in "Pong." The ball goes back and forth. What's that called? Like....*makes swaying motion with hand*
ECHO: Em...like a pendulum? volley?
MONA: I think......GRAVITATES BETWEEN
ECHO: no gravity is like the force that keeps Edge's hat on
MONA: Ah.....then what keeps the balls going?
ECHO: inertia? oh you don't mean perpetual motion?
MONA: PERPETUAL MOTION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
MONA: That's like......STING, though.
ECHO: all i remember is that the instructions for "Pong" were six words long: "avoid missing ball for high score"
MONA: What's the noun form of "expose?"
ECHO: "exposition"
MONA: *puts Bono in an ex-position so she won't miss his balls and then scores* What an odd project this is

AFTER FINDING THE PHONE NUMBER OF BONO'S NEW YORK APARTMENT
ECHO: I looked up the number meself and found it. I wouldn't call though......well, if I DID.....
BONO: You're not at Bono's. What's up?
ECHO: Hello, is Edge there?
BONO: *looks at Edge, tied to the bed and oiled up* Emmm....No.
MONA: *insert LONG distance joke here*
ECHO: I'd be like "Wait a minute, this isn't the 59th street Deli? That's a shame cause you know i wanted to talk to the owner about his thoughts on third world debt relief and aids in Africa. You wouldn't HAPPEN to know the number would you?"
BONO: *talks for seven hours*
ECHO: what would YOU say?
MONA: I um.......I'd ask him to come...to school for my religion project
ECHO: Your religion project would end up being 7 minutes of you staring at Bono in front of the class going "O SWEET JESUS"
MONA: Hey don't sell me short here. There would be plenty of "missionary" jokes.

MONA: Question: Do you know any good economics websites? I lost me book and I have this worksheet deal. Here I am trying to learn about the demand of elastic....OK If your supply meets your demand that means you reach the fairest price and EQUILLIBRIUM. *wants Bono's equilibrium* OH also MACROeconomics is focusing on the big picture...like a whole Bono...MICROeconomics is focusing on one little part of it...like Bono's equilibrium area.
BONO: "little"?
MONA: hm. You've uncovered a flaw.....Greenspan should be made aware of this

MONA: To Mr. Greenspan: Now Mr, Greenspan. I don't know a lot about economics. But one thing I DO know is this. You should really go over your notes or whatever it is you do when you're looking at our economy. My colleague and I have encountered a flaw in the system. Now....I don't remember the problem exactly. But I'll tell you this. Bono has an erotic area. Which is elastic. Therefore, its curves are in HIGH demand. And furthermore, it keeps going UP. The price, I mean. I strongly advise that you and Bill Gates get together and check out Bono's equator. Equilibrium. ~Mona~

ECHO: um there's just one amendment I would make. Can you refer to me as your "esteemed" colleague?
MONA: Ah!! Certainly. *fax*
ECHO: or actually, Partner in Pimpstressing will do
MONA: *falls off the demand curve*

MONA: what brought down the price of oil in 1986 to less than $10 per barrel?
ECHO: was it bono?
MONA: IT MIGHT HAVE BEEN!
ECHO: VIVA LA REVOLUCION

MONA: o dear my mother thinks I'm white trash today
MONA: <-----not white trash
MONA: she's like "WHO wears a sports bra with a tank top like that? you look like TRASH"
ECHO gee I'VE certainly never done that
MONA: you know I don't really like regular bras
BONO: Should I leave the room?
MONA: NO. Stay. *hands Bono a blindfold*
BONO: AH ok I can stay now. Wait but I can still HEAR about....um.....undergarments...... ECHO: I like sports bras but i have to wear something with an underwire cause otherwise I'm like....falling out, which is odd cause im not that....endowed
EDGE: If you need me I'll be passed out in the blushing room
MONA: o see I have major bra issues. I happen to be THAT endowed and sometimes it SUCKS a large object. Regular bras don't feel like they do anything
BONO: *begins talking to walls*
MONA: Bono, wtf is wrong with you. NOTHING YOU HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE.
ECHO: Well after all that time staring at Edge's parts.....it can be disorienting
BONO: *sweat*
MONA: don't' worry Bono, keep the blindfold on
BONO: Have all the parts been put away?
MONA: Yes, Bono. You can take off the-- NO WAIT KEEP IT ON. Now tug at it a little
BONO: Like this? *tug*
ECHO: O_O THE BLINDFOLD?
MONA: LOL Yes the blindfold. What did you THINK it was?
ECHO: *cough* lets just switch whos saying what, now.....
EDGE: Just tug at it a little, Bono.
MONA: O_O well I-- JESUS MY CALCULUS HOMEWORK JUST CAUGHT ON FIRE

MONA: Did Bono and Morrissey arrive yet?
ECHO: yeah.....you, em...you need to punch more holes in the box next time
MONA: FOOK are they ok?
ECHO: it took me a while to discern what was wrong....since Moz is so pale and week all the time ANYway
MONA: did Bono help you do CPR?
ECHO: well Bono "helped me" "do CPR," just not on Morrissey
MONA: O_O WHAT DOES THAT MEAN!?
ECHO: Oh also, Caylean asks can you please also send Adam and Larry next time?
MONA: OK. Adam requires a lot of shipping $$$ though bc he always takes so much crap in the box with him. So what have my boys been up to?
ECHO: well this morning we all watched Star Trek, which we all enjoyed except Bono got annoyed cause Edge scoffed at all the technical jargon
MONA: o yeah, you just give him a snack and he settles down
ECHO: Well as a matter of fact, we took a trip to the Asian grocery cause I wanted Crab Shumai and Bono asked what EVERYTHING was but when he saw the dried-fish snacks he got scared and shut up
MONA: aw. He likes to hold hands. Did you hold his hand?
ECHO: I bought him some Pocky. Moz was upset because you know at the Asian supermarkets they have all NEW and DIFFERENT kinds of meat
MOZ: Sushi is murder!
ECHO: but we werent in there too long and he got some sesame-seaweed snacks
ECHO: then Bono go on the internet and was reading U2 smut on ff.net and he was reading all the dirty parts out loud...and Edge was scoffing at the technical jargon
MONA: hey lemmee talk to Bono
BONO: What's up, darlin'?
MONA: hey Bono!!! how was your trip?
BONO: Look, Caylean untied my shoelace okay? It's not that I'm clumsy or an--- OH you mean my trip here?
MONA: *slaps forehead* Yes, dear.
BONO: My leg fell asleep. Thankfully when I got here Echo was nice enough to volunteer to "wake it up" for me
MONA: yeah you know how you cramp up sometime-- DID SHE NOW. Well. That was very.....charitable.
BONO: She's been extra nice to me
MONA: REALLY. HOW SO?
BONO: She took all of us to see Laser U2 last night.... And it was dark and I got scared cause I didn't have me nightlight. So Echo held me real tight the whole show so I didn't get kidnapped by monsters
MONA: DID SHE NOW.
BONO: I wasn't really scares of the monsters, just the aliens, but she held me anyway
MONA: REALLY. *twitch* HOW nice.
BONO: *shrug*
ECHO: *giggles like a maniac* I'm gonna go shower now. oh Bonoooooooooo......
MONA: WHAT?! HEY you go in there alone
ECHO: SURE I'll go in there alone. Look, if other people jump in while Ive got shampoo in my eyes, I cant help that okay?! Naw, seriously, Bono's a little...tied up right now anyway...
EDGE: We're out of dental floss....
MONA: Bono....my Bono...touched by another woman...
ALI: *cough*
MONA: My Bono...
ECHO: Well you wouldn't want him to get all withered from disuse, would you?

ECHO: WTF is the problem with this machine?!
MONA: what is Edge licking your computer or something?
ECHO: O_O wait lemme check...oh GEEZ Edge look what you've done to my printer port!
EDGE: I couldn't help it! So....much.....data......

"ECHO AND MONA'S EMOTIONALLY-CHARGED PORN SHACK: It makes you horny, but it also makes you cry."
EDGE: I know I'M in tears from all this...

"I seriously doubt Bono would be able to listen to his own work when you're defiling him. He'd be like, singing along..." ~Echo

MONA: OMDINEEDMYBONOBACK I mean, hello there.
ECHO: em...about Bono
MONA: YES? *fret*
ECHO: okay listen I know Bono was very special to you...and i did my best to treat him gently...but you see
MONA: YOU DIDN'T--
ECHO: I lost him at Toys R Us
MONA: NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ECHO: the last I saw he was playing with the new Star Wars action figures
BONO: *silent, bc he's not HERE*
ECHO: RUB IT IN WHY DONT YOU. LOOK I SAID I WAS SORRY. Wait actually I didn't.
Well, I'm sorry.
MONA: *sniff* I'm joost....a little...OMG I just had this weird feeling.....that somewhere.......there are many many gumballs, broken glass, and a very frustrated Irishman with an oral fixation all on the floor. Another one of my visions, I suppose.
BONO: *plays pianosaurus* *builds U2 out of legos*
EMPLOYEE: Aw, is that yer wife?
BONO: No.....that's my geetarist.
EMPLOYEE: SECURITY.
BONO: !!!!!!!!! The Jim Morrison action figure! Want...to touch...
MONA: OMG I want that thing so much
BONO: *rolls eyes* the pants AREN'T removable. Not that I checked. Do you know how many gum balls I can fit in me mouth, Echo? DO YA DO YA DO YA?!
MONA: aw he likes you.

LATER

MONA: can we go get Bono now? PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?
ECHO: sure
MONA: wooooooooo shotgun!
ECHO: wait where's Edge?
MONA: I thought YOU had him
ECHO: well yeah, i HAD him...three times.....but that was last night
MONA: O_O
ECHO: uh oh
ECHO: wait
ECHO: hes in the shower
ECHO: okay hold on
ECHO: *creeps into bathroom*
EDGE: *sings* cheer up sleeeeepy jeanie.....
ECHO *tiptoes* *flushes toilet*
EDGE: AIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ECHO: That'll get him out
EDGE: *enters in towel* WTF was that for?
ECHO: So i could do THIS *snatches towel and runs* START THE CAR START THE CAR!!!!
MONA: *looks over shoulder* *keeps running*
ECHO: off we go
MONA: vrooooooooom*
ECHO: okay, I nominate you to dig Bono out of that gigantic basket of four-square balls
MONA: YAY!
MONA: *poke* Bono?
MONA: *poke* Bono?
MONA: *poke* Bono?
MONA: *po-- AK!
MONA: found him!
ECHO: *hands mona a fishing rod*
MONA: oo *cast*
BONO: OUCH. OK. GOOD AIM.

BONO: How come you only eat peanut butter with weird things?
MONA: *stops spreading PB on Bono's thigh* What?
EDGE: I'm getting really nervous, so can someone please get the "need something to wash it down with" joke out of the way, please?

MONA: so what's the next order of business?
ECHO: Em....*guess* porn?
BONO: HEY. I HAD my HAND raised.

ECHO: I dreamt Edge was in this helicopter that was flying over the general area of my parents house....he was rescuing people...like, airlifting them out of some disaster area....and I had these binoculars and was watching him
MONA: O_o Edge in a helicopter.....he's like GI Joe
EDGE: Allow me to hold you with my kung-fu grip
ECHO: !
EDGE: Life on the battle field is hard. I see that you've been so devastated by injustice that you have lost all your clothes. Allow me to warm you with my body

ECHO: Edge would COMBUST on the Man Show!
MONA: Women....women everywhere
EDGE: So...emmm....*tries not to look at half-nekkid women* Madam....I don't know if that's proper. Here, borrow my hat.
LARRY: *has 15 women sitting on him* *snarl*
BONO: when you get me all liquored up, fellas, I swear....I'm ready for ANYthing
MONA: *applies to be a juggy*

"The twinkies are jealous of Bonos yummy cream filling." ~Echo

MONA: LOL I love Bono. How he exists in me head
ECHO: You mean horny, childish, and infatuated with Edge? Oh I'm sorry that's how Bono is IN REAL LIFE.

"Aaww Bono is so considerate. He always....does...Edge first..." ~Mona

"We're a gay home appliance/automation couple!!" ~ScottPhisto

"For the good of the nation, you must defile Bono!" ~Echo

"Bono's stuck! I need something to poke him with! I can't get Bono out!!" ~Mona

MONA: Edge rides it
SCOTTPHISTO: I'm sure he does. OH, you mean the BIKE.

MONA:!!!!!! Bono and I do NOT do....THOSE KINDS of things.....:-)
SCOTTPHISTO: Not according to Bono....;-)
MONA:!! YOU TALKED TO HIM? Did he...mention me?
SCOTTPHISTO: Yep He showed me the scratch marks too. Damn, girl. You need to lighten up on the ravaging.
MONA: well I mean....sometimes....it gets...rough....and...well he's BONO.....
SCOTTPHISTO: He felt bad, cuz you know....me being your cyber-husband and all...
MONA: o yeah....the MARRIAGE
SCOTTPHISTO: I told him it was okay...I'm sleeping with Ali.

"What exactly do you have to be worried about? Are you afraid Bono the Incubus impregnated you in yer sleep?" ~Echo

MONA: Why.....EDGE....what a marvelous Whammy Bar you have.
BONO: Check out my output jack.

MONA: Fretboard -- aka fingerboard. Wooden section with mounted Frets.
BONO: I'm a fret! Mount me!

MONA: HOLY CRAP Bono is hitting on Morissey...let's watch, shall we? Bono seems to find Morissey's thigh quite fascinating....
BONO: *squeeze*
MORISSEY: This is not LOVE!
BONO: Shut the fook up!!
MORRISSEY: You know I'm celibate, right?
BONO: *checks watch* well right NOW you are....
MONA: Up until this point I hadn't realistically considered 3somes as good fer business. *looks around* However.
ECHO: well you do have a narrow bed. I always figured that was the reason
BONO: *measures downstairs sofa*
ECHO: and we sold the meat-filled armoire for fruit snacks MONTHS ago
MONA: ROFL which I ate in 2 days.
EDGE: I wish we had kept some of the meat
BONO: *squeeze* Who says we didn't?
ECHO: hey where's that waterbed we bought? or could we not fit that on the bus?
MONA: I think someone drank it.
EDGE: I THOUGHT it was vodka!
MONA: Michael Hutchence is distracting me to the point of I forgot that Bono was trying to rape Morissey.
ECHO: okay let me refresh yer memory:
BONO: *tries to rape Morrissey*
MONA: O YEAH
EDGE: *single teardrop*
ECHO: That's okay Edge, I'll comfort you.....
EDGE: Who are you again?

MONA: I just had a thought. I think it' be cute if Bono dressed up as MacPhisto and Edge was a little angel. With a gold beanie. I mean, not porn or anything.
ECHO: Riiiight. *role-play*
BONO: Off with the horns... Okay Edge I'll be the harem girl and you be the sheik
EDGE: ?!
ECHO: Wouldn't it be funny if that's like kind of how it was backstage.....like the other three guys are all Edge's bitches
LARRY: O_o
EDGE: Where do you think YER goin Larry? Youre next!
ECHO: Edge and Larry never get together in U2 porn
MONA: I can imagine Adam going along with anything
BONO: *moan*
MONA: Or they could do tag team
ECHO: Bono and Adam would be like fighting over it like little kids fighting over a toy
BONO: No its MY turn!
ADAM: But Edge said I could play with iiiiiiiiiit!

ECHO: JAYSUS I leave for two second and you guys start an orgy!...I should leave for two seconds more often
MONA: You shouldn't leave us unsupervised fer long
LARRY: *suffocates in plastic bag*
BONO: *rips out mattress tag*
EDGE: *consumes Dimetapp then operates heavy machinery*
PETE YORN: *sticks fork in toaster*
BONO: *cramp!* *struggles in swimming pool* Can I get out of the pool now? I'm getting all wrinkly.
EDGE: *is holding the hose for no apparent reason*
ECHO: Here, edge, lemme hold yer hose for ye
EDGE: Well okay if y--- O_O
ECHO: Oh whoops. My hand slipped
BONO: *grope* so did mine*

MONA: Guess what am I thinking of NOW
ECHO: Em.....Bono eating an Eskimo Pie naked on the roof of the Empire State Building?
BONO: Ugh, this thing is melting all over me...
MONA: *LICK* I mean....o Bono
BONO: Now I'm all sticky....
MONA: How......unfortunate. Luckily, my tongue is already hanging out.....
EDGE: Race ya
MONA: GAH! *shove* I PLAY DIRTY
MONA: *warp speed*
EDGE: oof *takes off* *trips Mona*
MONA: GAH! *fall* *throws shoe at Edge*
ECHO: EDGE: Ow!
MONA: GAH! If he had an arse I would have hit it! *turbo*
EDGE: hee hee with no arse i'm more aerodynamic!
MONA: O fook. How am I gonna get to the TOP?
EDGE: *swings bat-grappling-hook*
MONA: cheater!!
EDGE: *climb*
MONA: *grabs onto Edge's leg*
EDGE: Eat my dus --- HEY!
MONA: heeheee
EDGE: *sprays "Mona-Away"*
BONO: *leans over* TAKE THE EL-E-VA-TOR!
MONA: !!!!!!! *runs inside building*
ELEVATOR OPERATOR: Going down?
MONA: Sometimes today, yes I hope so.
ECHO: LOL
MONA: I MEAN
BONO: oh man.....there is chocolate EVERYWHERE now...and me with no moist towlettes...
MONA: O_O I WILL BE YOUR MOIST TOWLETTE, BONO
MONA: EDGE: O_O *falls off building* GAH! My lack of arse surely will not cushion my fall!
ECHO: *waits in street with ginormous pillow* *and a bottle of wine*
MONA: *reaches top of building*
ECHO: see, everyone wins

"Larry's such a tease. NO ONE is safe with him. Not girls and not members of the U2 gender." ~Mona

"Sweet dreams that they introduce a new chocolate bar called 'Mona' and Bono has one even though he says 'you know Mona's gonna go straight to my hips.'" ~Echo

BONO: I'm the Godfather
EDGE: Huh?
BONO: Dood I'm making you an offer you can't refuse

BONO: In northern Ireland....there is too much *grunt* war, and.....*moan*... here's a song to *grunt*.... This is a very serious *mmmmm...* issue and I think we should all *ahh* think hard *grunt* about how to rectify it...*moan*
EDGE: *perk* what?
BONO: The SITUATION...we need to rectify it.
EDGE: Oh.

ECHO: d00d there is a lot of grunting in this porn
MONA: GIMMEE! I mean....oh?
BONO: *high erratic whimpering grunts*
EDGE: *deep rhythmic animalistic grunts*
MONA: O_O SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETT!! Well wait. I have a
question about that. Do you think some of the rhythmic animal things could be done by Bono too?
ECHO: well sure....I mean...you can switch those names for yer own....purposes
BONO: I've got my own purpose RIGHT NOW IFYOUKNOWWHATIMEAN
MONA: .....I really don't, Bono. Perhaps you should demonstrate.
BONO: well you see...
EDGE: PUT THAT AWAY!
BONO: But I wanted them to see
MONA: O_O LET THEM SEE!
BONO: Good thing I brought these Polaroids. *hands out Polaroids* try not to get fingerprints on them. OR TONGUEPRINTS
MONA: O_O that is EXCELLENT lighting there
BONO: Yeah I had them professionally done
EDGE: You stopped a guy on the street and paid him five dollars to do it!
BONO: Right. I paid him, so it was professional
MONA: *gets out wallet*