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MONA'S PLEBA CLASSICS: BLUEY THE PARTY GIRL *ding dong* Edge: *opens and peeks through mail slot* Um...can we...come Bono: Move aside. *croons* I'm looking through your window. I'm From inside the house: *thud* Larry: Ay, Bono. Ye did it again! Here, hold Adam. *props Adam up Larry: OPEN THE BLOODY DOOR! Julie: *opens door* Ssshh this is supposed to be a surprise...! Bono: Em... Mona: *is passed out on the floor* *drooool* Julie: Yeah, Bono, you made Mona fall over in lust! Bono: Oh....em.... Julie: Just come on in before Bluey gets home! The boys enter and set down their presents on a table Edge: Hey, can I fix the lighting system? Cause I could-- Bono: Swanky place Bluey has here.... Larry: Adam wants to know where the bar is. Mona: *wakes up* *swooooon* Hiiii Bono...Hiiii Larry. Bono: *takes off coat* *is wearing a feathery duck costume* This is a EVERYONE: BWWWWWAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAA!!! Bono: WHAT? You've never seen someone wear a DUCK costume before? Mona: *FAINT* Bono: *strips down* He's wearing leather pants, blue shades, a white Mona: *awakens* *looks up* LEATHER! *faints again* Bono: *steps over her* We brought the food too. Where should we put THE LIGHTS GO OUT Edge: GUYS! It's OK!!!! It's all good...I was just-- Julie: Bring it into the kitchen, let's see what you brought. Larry: Has anyone seen a button? It was...round....and.... everyone gradually makes it into the kitchen Larry: ...I think it had some holes in it, and-- Bono: EDGE! COULD YOU HOLD THIS FOR ME?! Edge: *appears out of nowhere* WITH pleasure!!!!! Bono: The dish,wanker. Edge: Oh...yes...the dish...of course...*bluuuuuuuuuuush* Julie: Mona? Mona? Where's Mona? Come on, everyone will be here soon? Bono: *looks down at his feet* Em...something's groping Mona: leeeaattthhheeerr....oooo.... Julie: She'll faint after awhile. It'll be OK....Alright, the other Mona: HOO-AH! Bono: *bluuuush* *shakes leg* Em...well...*pets Mona's head* I LIGHT FLICKER...MacPhisto enters Edge: OK that wasn't MY fault...No, I put the wires back in-- MacPhisto: Quiet, hot pockets. You rang? Julie: *is drooling over MacPhisto* Larry: *rolls eyes* Crikey. Mac, sit over there and...well...here! Bono: ANYWAY, I brought some macaroni and cheese. From the BLUE box. Larry: No, Ali made it! Bono: WHAT? Larry: You were right there when she made it! She even milked the cow Edge: Does it...MATTER? I think Bono's right. Bono: But everyone knows the Blue Box Kraft Macaroni is best. Mona: *faints* Bono's leg: *feeling returns* Bono: Well...I also brought cranberry sauce...in a CAN!!!!!! Edge: Well...um...I think whatever Bono brings is wonderful-- Bono: *ignores the innuendo* *opens can and bites the sauce like it's Julie: ...O...Kay...moving right along. Mona: *wakes up* What? Did I miss something? Bono: Mona, do you want a bite? Mona: HOO-AH!!!!!!! LAY IT ON ME! Bono:....of this cranberry sauce...? Mona: Oh... Edge: Um...I brought...cornflakes! SILENCE Everyone: CORN FLAKES? Edge: I -- I like corn flakes. They're gggggrrreat! Larry: Frosted Flakes are grrrrreaat, wanker. Mona: *faints at hearing LarryGrowl* Edge: Well..I think corn flakes are pretty nice, too.... Mona: *awakens* OK I think I'm better now. REALLY. I won't faint Larry: Who wants to see my MEAT? Mona: Forget it! *faints* Larry: I brought a cooler of meat with me. It's...MANLY food. *opens Mona: *awakens* Sorry sorry sorry! Larry: Look how smoooooth it is! Mona: *FAINT* Julie: Um....OK...Adam? Adam: *magically comes to life* HAPPY BIRTHDAY!...What? Oh, I brought Julie: What IS that? Bono: *croons into Mona's ear* ...wiiide awaaakke.... Mona: *awakens in a fit of giggles* Adam: It's...well, it's an unidentifiable foreign food. (lol we know Julie: ...riiiight. OK. Now we have the cake stuff all ready, but Adam: I'll do it! *grooves on over to the kitchen* Mona: Edge, bullfight with me like you do Bono! Edge: *bluuuuuuush* WHAAAT? No, I don't DO Bono...I just-- Mona: *steps back* No further questions!! *runs to Bono* Bono: She grows on you after awhile! Julie: Like fungus...Rackem frackem... Bono: Come on, now love. Don't you look back! There's enough Bono for GINA MARIE ENTERS Gina: Guys, are you ready yet? Everyone will be here in less than an Adam: *reappears* Look! I found an apron! *is wearing nothing but an Larry: Whatever you do -- don't turn around (your gypsy heart)! Adam *backs into kitchen* Well, the cake is almost done. Larry: Could you check the batter for me buttons? I can't find some... Gina: Bono, you set the table. Larry, get the ice cream ready. Edge, Edge: *is scared yet strangely attracted to MacPhisto* Larry: *goes into kitchen* seconds later.... EM, GUYS? Gina: *goes into kitchen* What's wrong? Larry is standing next to the open freezer. Melted ice cubes and ice Julie: EDGE? Did you do something to the electricity in the-- Larry: Is it HOT in here, or is it just ME? Gina: Well, we've mopped up the mess hot hot hot Smooth Criminal Adam: WHO'S COMIN' OUTTA THE CAKE? Edge: *bluuuuush* Bono: Mister MacPhisto is! Adam: Now...do we insert him before or after I bake it? Larry: Wanker... Mac: I brought chhhheeeeeeesssse!! Mona: What about presents? Did everyone bring presents for Bluey? Bono: Feck. Edge: I did! Look what I made! *carefully unwraps his package* Julie: *FAINTS at the stage direction* Edge: TA DA! It's a picture of the four of us. Mona: What's that on the frame? Edge: Sequins and macaronis! Gina: ...you know, for someone so smart as you.... Edge: You...You don't LIKE it? Bono? *needs comforting* Bono: I need to find a present fast! *looks around room* Hm...I could Bono: Well... Larry: I'm gonna give Bluey THIS:*picture of him singing with Bono* Mona: O MY TOTAL GOODNESS! *faint* In the kitchen... Mac: I hope Bluey's coming soon...myy...look at all those shiny--- Adam: HANDS OFF TH' SPOOOONS!!!!! *stuffs Mac into cake* Mac: *from within cake* Em...is there a chance I could use the Adam: *wheels cake out into the magical ballroom where everyone else Bono: I still don't know what to give Bluey! Feck... Mona: I know what you can give ME, Bono! Larry:Mac, are you in there? *knocks on cake* Mac: Yes, my pretty one! Larry: Did you bring a present? Mac: Yes, lovely. *chomps on cake* I brought her red glittery roller Cake: *nudges Larry* Bono: CURSES! I wish I'd thought of that!! Bluey will be so happy to
- Mona: eh...did I mention I prefer the strong SILENT type? Julie: EDGE! Did you wrap your package back up again!! *giggles* EEe Edge: *ignores the innuendo* What is it, Mac? What do you have The rest of the boys look at each other Bono: Adam, why don't YOU tell him what Mac means? Adam: Well *whispers in Edge's ear* Edge:*eyes widen* *bluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuush* Oh. His face red like a rose Bono: Well, I still need a-- Adam: Larry, I think you--*stops* *is pale* Larry: What? Adam: *nudges Bono* Bono: OMG...!!!!!! Is that....STUBBLE? Larry: WHAT in the bloody Sam hill are you lookin' at? *looks down at from a distant room all that is heard is Mac: *from within cake*...Em....could I....make a phone call, by any Bono: I NEED a good present... Mac: ...Will Bluey be here soon? I've got some cake Edge: Guys, I'm almost done with the decorations! O, wait. No...no, Edge: Um....GUYS? Larry: *comes back with tears in his eyes* WHEW... Bono: *unwraps Edge* Julie: *FAINTS at the stage direction* MacPhisto: *is crooning* I had a little drink an hour ago, and it's Bono: Can I lick it? Edge: *bluuuuuuuuuuuuuusssssshhhhhhhh* WHAAAAAAAAATTTTTTT???????!!!! Bono: The frosting on the cake. Can I have a taste. Edge: Oh...the cake...heheh...of COURSE....*ahem* Adam: Instead of candles, I put SPOONS on top! Bono: SPOON FEED ME, BABY! Mona and Edge: *bluuuuuuuuuuuuuusssssshhhhhh* Gina: OK you know everyone will be here soon, and we're not even Bono: O no! I STILL haven't found what I'm looking for... Edge: Over here! OVER HERE! Bono: A present for Bluey? Edge:...o...yes...for BLUEY...of course...*ahem*... *DING DONG* Julie: Is that THEM? Bluey enters, blindfolded Bluey: Guys, if this isn't a real MacPhisto Society HQ, I'm telling! Bono: Think, Bono, think....WHAT would Bluey want? PLEBA girls: *file in and surround Bluey* The cake is rolled over to Larry: *whispers* Get ready, Mac! Bluey: Who said that? *stretches arm out and touches Larry* MY, but Bono: I know! She wants ME PANTS! *slips 'em off* Mona: *FAAIINNNNTTTT*!!!!!! *quickly awakens to see what happens next* Larry: *to Mac* NOW!...*nothing happens*...Mac? *opens the cake* MacPhisto is sleeping in his gold sequined thong and red horns, with Larry: Oh...eh... Bono: lifts Bluey's blindfold *croons* Boys and Girls go to the I know a girl, a girl called Party Bluey: *bluuuuuuuuuussssssshhhhh* OMG EVERYone's here? You Bono: I give thee my PANTS. Larry: We each decorated a part of the cake for you! On mine I put-- Edge: I-I bedazzled my part. *is uncomfortable standing next to Bono: I wrote a SONG in my part of the cake! *ahem* Oh sister, you know you make those boys cry. I've seen this all before Chorus: Hardened by a year's worth of stardom Chorus All the beautiful faces I've seen before, Come to your senses And, baby, leave the world outsiiiiide... Everyone: *is stunned* Bono: Thank you, thank you.... Edge: ...You have a CHEVY? Mona: I want a Bono Song!!!! Edge: I think you plagiarized Thomas Hardy... Mona: QUIET, you! Bono: Can that count as my present? Or do you still want my pants? Bluey: I can't believe you wrote a song for me! Bono: I know, isn't it EXCITING?! Edge: Apparently so. *looks down at Bono* |
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