MONA'S PLEBA CLASSICS: LARRY THE RENAISSANCE MAN

Deep in the heart of Texas....no, not THAT deep. Back up a little
more...ok....ok....THERE. Perfect. About *that* much into the heart
of Texas, everyone's favorite LarryLover, MullenGirl (whom we shall
call MG for time purposes) was in HOT WATER at work
MG: Hey, boss, this soup could use a little more salt...

PLEBA: *koff koff*

*cricket* *tumbleweed*

Shut up! OK it wasn't REALLY hot water. But bascially, she had heard
that U2 would be in town for awhile.

She also had managed to track down their plane and steal all of
Larry's clothes. Just now, she has on his tearaway pants which are
very useful in sharing his man groove with the world

Now, Larry (a rather *hot* tamale) is in Austin with nothing but the
buttonless shirt on his back and a random pair of jeans. YES, jeans!
The kind you don't bring home to mother!

While Larry was sleeping on the plane.....

BONO: Edge, lookit ol' Lawrence over there....he's napping.

EDGE: He's wearing a nappie?

BONO: Haven't yer ears popped yet? We've been goin' for quite a while.

EDGE: You did WHAT to my rear?

BONO: *sigh* Let's take pictures of Larry's man cleavage and man
groove and SHOW them to people!

EDGE: ....you grooved Larry's....what?

BONO: We should put him in a sarong!

EDGE: Eh...yes.....so long, Bono....

BONO: Where's Adam? Still chatting up the stewardess? (lol YES they
have a stewardess on their very own plane!)

EDGE: Yes....fattening up the--

*strange, scandalous noises from inside bathroom*

BONO: Hm. That could take awhile. Remind me to get Mona to clean that.

EDGE: you did WHAT to Mona? Geez, she's a minor.....

BONO: Get Adam's luggage!

EDGE: *bluuuussshhhh* I couldn't do THAT....

BONO: *sigh* chew gum and yer ears will pop.

EDGE: ....this is neither the time NOR the place for such--

BONO: *writes on Edge's hand* get the sarong

EDGE: Oh. Why didn't you say so? *rummages through Adam's luggage*
What color?

BONO: Em....pink! Flowers! Get one with flowers!! Heh. This is even
better than the "One" video....

Minutes later Larry's pants have been tossed out the window, and he
is still sleeping, wearing a lovely pink flowered sarong.

ADAM: *comes out of loo* !!!!! MY SKIRT!!!!!! I mean......wrap-
around...manly type of.....clothing! heheh....

STEWARDESS: *snarl* Fruit!

LARRY: *wakes up* What's all the feckin' yellin' about?

BONO & EDGE: *snicker*

LARRY: What the bloody feck do you guys think yer doin'? *more
censored language* Rackem frackem.....!!!!!!!! Whar's me pants?

MG: *senses a disturbance in the force*....a GOOD disturbance!
*faints*

LARRY: We'll be landing soon. I need to look rape-able!

BONO: *sobers up* Hm. That might be a problem. You can have a pair of
me trousers if ye wish.

LARRY: Yer legs must be a foot long!

EDGE: *bluuuuussshhhhh* His WHAT?

LARRY: I can't fit into any of yer pants. I'm not wearin' Edge's
bedazlled pants....I'm not wearing Adam's pants...I don't know WHERE
they've been....and Boner's pants are too small. And I don't know
WHAT's been goin on inside them.

BONO: Hey.....I have good inter-pantal control. O...no...no I
don't.....

LARRY: *sigh* whatever. Just give me some pants

So Larry ended up wearing Bono's small pants, and that's why he has
jeans. Cause Bono won't wear his own jeans. Grumble grumble....why
won't he wear `em?!

ANYWAY, just a little recap....
1. Larry has to wear Bono's little jeans because his pants were
thrown out the window, and all his other clothes were stolen by MG
2. MG is now working at a men's clothing store in TX just WAITING for
Larry to come and buy clothes.
MG: *checks her mailbox* Lessee....you may have won....yeah
right....*grunt* the boss keeps sending me all these memos....

1. Do NOT under any circumstance, mention the phrase "man cleavage"
in front of customers
2. STOP giving the built men pants that will "show off their man
groove"
3. I canNOT make your paychecks out to "Mrs. Mullen"

CUSTOMER: anyone here? I'd like to buy a shirt.

MG: What kind?

CUSTOMER: Eh...one with...buttons?

MG: RECOCKULOUS!!!!!!!!!! *grabs a button-down shirt* *tears off all
the buttons*

Well, that was the last stick. I mean straw. MG got fired the very
same day.

MG: *sigh* Now I'll NEVER meet Larry. Heheh
meet...meat....Larry....*giggles*

all of a sudden, the members of U2 come flying out of the
sky!!!!!!!!!!!

MG: It's...it's raining men!

BONO: Hallelujah!!!!!!!!! I mean....AMEN!!!!!! I mean.....

LARRY: *still has small pants on* Does anyone else feel a draft? Me
legs are freezin.'

MG: No, but if you want, I could feel your--

EDGE: Hey, what happened? Why were we *literally* kicked out of the
plane?

ADAM: Sexual harrassment is illegal, you know.

EVERYONE: *looks at Bono*

BONO: Listen, I'm elevated ALL the time. You'd think youse guys would
get used to it! It's not my fault the stewardess just HAPPENED to be
standing there whilst I had a--

ADAM: Oh, I was talking about me. In the loo with the stewardess.

LARRY: Wankers. The stewardess was scandalized by my tight jeans.....

EDGE: Well, I didn't do anything to scandalize her.

MG: Speaking of scandalizing.....*eyes Larry*

LARRY: Me leg is warm again. Where ARE we?

ADAM: Lardence...you've got a girl wrapped around your leg.

MG: Freeeessshhhh.....meeeaaatttt.....

LARRY: Em.....I don't know what to say.

EDGE: Allow me. *AHEM* *bluuuuuusssssshhhhh*

LARRY: Thanks, mate.

BONO: So...where are we anyway?

MG: *forces herself off Larry* O sorry....You're in Austin

BONO: *slides on over to make his move* Is it true everything's
bigger in Texas?

LARRY: *koff* Ego *koff*

EDGE: Eggo? Waffles? You guys have waffles?

MG: *looks at Adam* A sarong? MY EYES!!!!!!!!! THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!
THE HORROR!!!!!!!!!!!

MG: *faints* I mean.....Cristy

LARRY: Listen, I need a new pair of pants. I'm practically busting
out of these

MG: Excuse me? *bluuuussshhhh*

LARRY:.....they're too small, is what I mean. They're not me own
trousers.

MG: Oh....yes....of course......

LARRY: And these wankers are driving me nuts.....

EDGE: *ouch*

ADAM: Whassamatta?

EDGE: Larry just gestured at us and the button on his pants flew off
and nearly poked me eye out!

MG: This is just TOO easy.

ADAM: Well, you know my philosophy about men and pants.......

BONO: Me trousers!!!!! Lawrence, be more careful!!!! *snif* Those
trousers were so dear to me.....those trousers were just like
trousers to me!

MG: It's not that hard--

BONO: I beg to differ.

LARRY: *sigh* She means it's not that hard to fix a
bootin.....*epiphany* It's not that hard--

BONO: O what would you know. Pretty boy. Always tending to your man
cleavage. What do you know about eleva--

LARRY: Can you really FIX bootins?

MG: Um....yeah....

LARRY: !!!!

MG: and....it's not that long--

BONO: O, yeah? Have you even SEEN the elevated thread?

EDGE: *steps on Bono's foot* Quiet.

BONO: Ouchie....my little cotton sock....

LARRY: And....and all this time I've been breakin' the bootins off
and throwing away the shirts afterwards!

MG: Disposable shirts......hm......disposable......edible.....oo
What? O......well.....if youse guys come back to my place, I could
show you how to--

LARRY: *stares at MG* Listen, I've really got to get away from these
wankers for a bit, before I do something drastic. We get along fine
and all, but sometimes I need me space, y'know?

MG: Um....ok.....well.......I can send the rest of them off to a bar,
I guess....

LARRY: Great. Let me get me bootin and we'll go. *gets his bootin*
Hey, guys? Has anyone seen my stick--?

MG: Whaaaaaat?!

EDGE: I bet Bono has.

BONO: What's that supposed to mean?

ADAM: Bono and Lawrence sittin in a J-Tree.....

LARRY: ...stick of gum? Me breath smells......is what I
mean....wankers. Cristy, let's get outta here.....

At MG's place, she and Larry have fixed his pants, and MG's telling
Larry about how she just got fired

LARRY: Wanker. The boss didn't even give you a good reason why?

MG: Oh. Well.....eh......it's a long story.

LARRY: It's OK. You don't have to explain....

MG: OMG Larry just touched my wall. He touched my table, he touched
my wall. I have Larry cooties in my house. OMG breathing
exercises...inhale...exhale...

MG: He's so........BROODING......OMG Larry is brooding all over my
house!!!! *swoon* Brood me, baby!

LARRY:...did you say something?

MG: !!!!! No........heheh

LARRY: I've been feeling really cooped up lately.....

MG: Oh......

LARRY: I mean, I love being in the band...it's my life,
basically....but sometimes you just need to get away, y'know?

MG: *nods*

LARRY: Any place we could go?

MG: *eyes dart to bedroom* Take me down to the paradise city where
the grass is green and the....er.....boys are pretty......

LARRY: Now that I've got me pants, we can.....

MG: *is still holding the pants*

LARRY: Oh....are they done?

MG: What, THESE old things?! No, you don't wanna put THESE back on!!
They're FAR too small!!!! *puts them in the microwave* *presses
buttons* *pants explode*

LARRY: What the feck--?!!!!! You just blew up Bono's PANTS!!!!!!!!

MONA: *runs in* *shouts* HEY THAT'S MY JOB!! *runs back out* That's
my last cameo, I SWEAR.

MG: Oh, who needs pants? I don't! Look! *tries to remove pants*

LARRY: *bluuuuussssshhh* Em..... listen, is there a loo I could use?

MG: Yes. Yes there is. But sometimes....sometimes it gets dark.
So....when my friends come over, and they have to use it, I go in
with them.

LARRY: What?

MG: Yes. Come on, now. I'll hold your hand. Let's go. To the loo we
go!

LARRY: Em.....could I just....maybe....take a shower or somethin? The
jet lag....plus...having fallen out of a plane.....I feel quite
dirty. Then maybe I'll just...take a nap or something. We can go out
later.

MG: Right. The shower stall is the darkest corner of the bathroom.
You might need me to hold your hand.

LARRY: Or something else.

MG: *falls over* WHAT?!

LARRY: .......some kind of light or something....so I can see what to
turn or pull or whatever

MG: *falls again* WHAT?!

LARRY: ......to turn on......

MG: *is biting her arm off in anticipation*

LARRY:.....the water.......

MG: .....Oh......yes....the......water....of course.......Hold on.
Wait right here. *runs to the bathroom* *closes the door* *takes all
the towels and stuffs them into her clothing* (lol) *comes back out*
Oh, look, the light is working now! heheh......

LARRY: Oh....good......my....that's a lot of meat you have there.

MG: .....waitaminute. Stop the play! Mona, I think he stole my
line!!! I'm supposed to say that to him.

MONA: No, no. Keep going, youse guys. This is good. He's just joking
with you because you put all the towels in your shirt. (OK THAT was
my last cameo....)

MG: Oh. Right. THIS? No, dear Lawrence. This is just....an illusion.
Now.....go take your shower.

LARRY: What's that in your hand?

MG:.....I could have sworn that's one of my lines, too......em o
THIS? Nothing.

LARRY: Is that a drill?

LARRY: I'm too tired to even acknowlegde the fact that you're not
making any sense....

MG: Curses upon curses. Now he thinks I'm bonkers. *burns towels* O
wait I am......

LARRY: *accidentally pulls down shower curtain* *calls from the
bathroom* LISTEN, CAN YOU COME HERE AND TAKE A LOOK AT THIS ROD, LOVE?

MG: *falls over* Excuse me?! *stands outside bathroom door*

LARRY: Aw, feck it all to heck. I'm all wet.

MG: Really?

LARRY: .....I can't figure out how it works is all.....

MG: REALLY.....?????!!!!!! The ROD?

LARRY: No, the faucet.

MG: Is that what the kids are callin it nowadays?

LARRY: Feck. Where's Edge when you need him?

MG: Does Edge......usually tend to your rod?

LARRY: Well....he is the handiest of the crew.....

MG: REALLY?

LARRY: Sometimes Bono does it for me.

MG: !!!!!!!!!!!!

LARRY: *picks up rubber duckie* O lookit this.....squeeze me -- I
make noise!

MG: *is all hot and bothered* Well, if you insist......*turns knob*
Curses. It's locked!

LARRY: You can't get in?

MG: Believe me, I WANT to.....

LARRY: Anyway....Adam never does it for me. He's not into that kind
of thing.

MG:.....reeeeaaalllleeeeee..........Listen are you gonna be done in
there soon? *needs a cold shower*

LARRY: Yeah, well...*drops soap* OOPS!!!!!!! It slipped!!!!!!! I hate
when it does that. Where'd it go?

MG: You can't....find.....it?

LARRY: Sly little devil, aren't you?

MG: OMG he's talking to his.....

LARRY: It's really rather relaxing just talking to you like
this....Oh, found it. You're not gettin away from me anymore, you
hear?

MG: .....

LARRY: *mumbles* Forget the shower....I can't work the bloody
thing......*louder, to be heard* Em.....listen.....would you mind if
I just.....*picks up toothpaste, which squirts all over the place* O
my.....lookit the mess....

MG: What? Maybe I should've left him a towel

LARRY: I squeezed it too hard is all, and I just made a mess. Man.
Who's gonna clean it up.....anyway, what were we talking about?

MG: *is resisting raping the closest wall* *is dizzy with lust* what?

LARRY: O, that's right. See with the rod....

MG: *falls over*

LARRY: Little problems like that...well actually it's not always so
little.....

MG: *ddrroooolll*

LARRY: I mean, compared to things the other guys are concerned about,
it IS little.....

MG: ....excuse me?

LARRY: But in perspective....of all things.....for ME anyway......I'd
say it's pretty big.

MG: Pretty.....

LARRY: So Edge helps me out most of the time. He's quite handy. Oh, I
think we already covered this.

MG: Cover....*is in a trance*

LARRY: He's really a....hands-on kinda guy.....you know.

MG: Hands....on......

LARRY: Sometimes that gets annoying. I mean, it's wonderful and
everything if you're skilled with your hands and all....

MG: Skilled......hands......

LARRY: But sometimes it gets kind of irritating. It's
like......well....it's like his hands ALWAYS have to be doing
something....sometimes....

MG: Hands....doing.....something.....

LARRY: *is still trying to figure out how to fix the shower rod* Oh,
just the screws are loose. No big deal. Listen, do you have time to
screw--?

MG: hot tamale hookie cookie.....holy zucchinis........*faints*

After Larry broke out of the bathroom, MG awoke to find him standing
over her, rod in hand.

PLEBA: *faints*

O geez. Race you guys to the shower....!

LARRY: I just wanted to screw......