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021 - FEAST
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| The Edge | |
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This is our first Christmas in
Fooksburgh, and we had an interesting dilemma: When you live in a place
where the whole point is that you can have whatever you want, all year
round, can you still give people meaningful gifts?
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| The Edge | |
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Let's find out.
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CHRISTMAS DAY. |
|
| Bruuuuuce! | |
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Okay, Echo gets to unwrap my package
next!
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| Echo | |
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With pleasure.
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| Echo | |
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But first I'll open this gift
you gave me.
*opens box* |
| Chris Martin | |
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Em...hello.
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| Echo | |
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Awww, Bruce! You got me Chris
Martin!
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| Bruuuuuce! | |
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Well, you know, I just thought
of how you complained all year that people only say they hate the new
Coldplay album because it's cool to say you hate it.
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| Chris Martin | |
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Can...Can I go soon? Because you
know I have a wife and child at ---
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| Echo | |
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Not a chance. You're going to
stay here and play me your little songs on the piano every single day
until one of us dies.
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| Echo | |
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Okay Morrissey, you have to open
my gift now!
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| Mozzer | |
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It's not meat, is it?
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| Echo | |
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No, it's not meat. Quit asking.
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| Mozzer | |
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*opens box*
Oh, fantastic! Look, it's from the Mother Eyebrow! |
| Bruuuuuce! | |
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The what?
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| Echo | |
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Well, Bruce, our friend Morrissey
is from Manchester, and as you can see by the pictures below...
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| Echo | |
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...everyone from Manchester shares
one gigantic eyebrow between them.
|
| Echo | |
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These eyebrows all originated
from the Mother Eyebrow, who lives and spawns in a flat on Coronation
Street, in Manchester.
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| Mozzer | |
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She even wrote me a personal message!
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| Mozzer | |
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Thank you so much!
Alright, now Mr. Malkovich has to open my Christmas present for him. |
| John Malkovich | |
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Hold on now. How do you even know
I celebrate Christmas?
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| Mozzer | |
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...Well, do you?
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| John Malkovich | |
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As a matter of fact, no! I celebrate
the Blood Feast of Zorbat.
But, like Hanukkah, it just happens to fall near Christmas. |
| Bruuuuuce! | |
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So...tell us about it.
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| John Malkovich | |
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It's a tradition that goes back
a thousand years. In a five-day tribute to Zorbat the Merciless, we drink
the blood of virgins, burn the American flag, view explicit depictions
of homoeroticism, and cook kittens in the microwave.
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| John Malkovich | |
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And frankly, I am offended
that you people say "Merry Christmas!" instead of the more
respectful "Happy Holidays!"
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| Echo | |
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...
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| Echo | |
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A thousand-year tradition of microwaving
kittens?
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| John Malkovich | |
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Well...I'm a Reform Zorbatist.
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| Mozzer | |
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So...there's no exchange of gifts
during the Blood Feast of Zorbat?
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| John Malkovich | |
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Um...I suppose we do exchange the explicit homoerotic artwork for viewing. |
| Mozzer | |
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*holds up gift box*
What a delightful coincidence! |
| Echo | |
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Happy Blood Feast of Zorbat, everyone. |