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 "I only LOOK sweet and innocent." |
003: THE ARK OF THE COVENANT
STRIKES AGAIN...AND AGAIN... Sixteen people have died looking in this damn thing since it was installed seventy years ago. What part of DO NOT OPEN THIS SACRED RELIGIOUS ARTIFACT do you idiots not understand? I know that Oscar Wilde said that the only way to overcome temptation was to give in to it, but I can't imagine that the Ark was what he had in mind when he said it. I think what he had in mind was Cute Boys. You'd assume, after the third or fourth guy glimpsed the inside of this thing and then promptly disintegrated in a mess of blood and horror, people would learn. Although, to be fair, three of those sixteen people opened it because they thought it was the icebox. We removed it from the commissary after that. |
 Some people just can't be told. |
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